Sometimes I sit around and I wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed in Maryland. If I had gone to Spelman instead of Fisk. If I had gotten my MMFT instead of joining Teach For America. There were several times that I had to make decisions that set the stage for some of the biggest experiences of my life, and like many of you, I sometimes ask the question "What if?" It is very easy, especially when in a low place, to question a choice that you made. Wondering if you heard God correctly. Honestly reflecting on if you asked God at all. Regretting a choice that you thought would lead you to a newfound joy, but really turned your life upside down. And my heart was filled with disappointment. I had all of these expectations around being an educator and having this grand experience and finding my passion in education. I thought that I was going to be so happy and be blessed with all this vacation time. I just knew I was going to immediately have strong relationships with the kids because I was Black. Whew I had no idea what I was in for.
I distinctly remember my first year of teaching and I was driving home from grad school at 9pm after being at work since 7am. I called my mom before I even made it to the interstate and just sobbed. I told her that I wanted to quit everything, break my lease, pack up my equinox and drive the 10.5 hours to Maryland and go to UMD for grad school. I felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life and needed to fix it. It did not line up with the expectations that I had in place for my career. Now, clearly I am still in education and actually stayed at the school I first taught at for 4 years! Those 4 years were far from a perfect experience, and came with its own set of problems. But, with the amount of disappointment that I experienced, all I could ask myself was "Did I make the the the right decision?"
The beautiful thing about God is that at the end of the day, He is still fully in control. Even in times when we do not obey Him, He still has to allow a thing for it to happen. He also knew what would happen before it happened. God is not limited by our expectations that we set in our lives and will often times dismantle them right before our eyes. Thankfully "we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. Thankfully "the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2. So while things may not always be exactly how we envisioned it, it all serves a purpose. Not a single decision you have made be it out of obedience or impulse was a waste of your time. So with this being known, here are the 5 questions you should ask yourself if you are experiencing disappointment.
Where did the expectations come from? Many times we have this idea in our head of how something has to be. A job, a relationship, an experience. But if those expectations are not rooted in something that God gave you and they were not submitted to God, it is not likely that they are appropriate.
Was the expectation clearly communicated? If it is a relationship expectation, a conversation has to be had with the other party. It is difficult for someone to reach for a goal that they don't realize is there. Students can't learn the rules of the school if they are never told them.
Was there any accountability? If you are anything like me, then a little bit of pressure goes a long way. Setting a date and telling someone. Making a goal and making sure someone checks in about it. Accountability helps to make things happen, because there will be support!
What can I learn from this disappointment? This is where honest reflection comes in. Thinking about all of the things you did or did not do that had an impact on this disappointment happening. Do you need to be more consistent? More social? Share less? Do you struggle with time management? Was the budget correct? This will answer the questions about what went really well that you should replicate, and the things you bombed that you should avoid doing in the future.
What is God saying? Take your disappointment to God. Seek Him. He will speak, He already knows what He is going to use that disappointment for! It's all a part of His master plan in your life. Just be willing to hear and move based on what He is saying.
Praise God for where you are. Praise God for where you've been. Seek Him continually in all things, and trust the God that is in you. If you are going with God you are always going the right way. We serve a God that will meet us when we seek Him. A God that loves us and grows us in it. Decide today that you will not dwell on the "what if" but hope for what's on the way.
God Loves You!
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