Many of you who follow me on social media, know that in 2019 I committed to not consuming alcohol for the year. On the exact day that I hit 365 days, I shared publicly what lead me to the decision. For a few years, I served in leadership in ministry in various capacities. In each of them, I was immature in many ways and needed way more discipline than I was willing to admit. Being a college senior, then recent grad, then young adult, I battled with the desire to live my best life, while still being the salt and the light of the earth. It was not a good look at all, but I hid it well. I realized that something was wrong in 2018, a few months after losing my father. I was drinking a lot more than I was admitting at the time, and making terrible decisions. I almost jeopardized years of celibacy, I said some terrible things to people I loved, and I was behaving in a way that was resembling the lifestyle that I frequently shamed people for living. I even walked into church and was praying for people, while very hungover I didn't realize I hit rock bottom until I was sitting in a movie theater with my friend and these words came out of my mouth: "This is the first Friday night I haven't been drunk since May". I immediately started to weep in the theatre, which completely terrified my friend.
It was in that moment, I realized that I was lost. I hated where I was in life and was using alcohol as an escape. God told me to give my burdens to Him in that very moment. After taking a brief time to abstain from alcohol, I told God that I would commit to a year without alcohol in order to be closer to Him. I wanted to be the daughter that He called me to be. I wanted to be the example to women that I was pretending to be. It was my desire to walk what I was talking, and show people what it means to cast your cares unto the Lord. So I did it! I went cold turkey for an entire year. I didn't even have a cocktail for my birthday. There were people who doubted and even tried to pressure me. It was in this year that I understood the true meaning of having a community of equally yoked believers. I had friends that would enjoy mocktails with me, would refrain from drinking around me, and would pray with me when I felt weak.
During this season of sobriety, I was able to start teaching bible study and Sunday school a few times. I was able to complete my first year of grad school with a 3.7 (that was maintained by the way). God gave me a vision to start several ministry projects that have blessed me immensely (like Sisters Seeking the Word). I heard God more clearly than I ever have in my entire life. I saw God as a provider, a healer, a sustainer, and a miracle worker in a way like never before. I fell in love with the girl God sees when He sees me. Now it's 2020, and I can cry out to God when something is wrong with no desire to drink my pain away. I can show up to church on a Sunday and be asked at random to work the altar because I am not recovering from a drunken night.
God can and will heal every pain that you have. He can carry every burden that you have. He can give you hope for the future that He promised you. Seek Him first, pray continually, cast your cares upon Him, take your rest.
God loves you
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